Relationships need communication. It begins by talking and being with each other. How we get to know someone is by spending time and getting to know them. We talked on the phone and went out on dates to get to know our spouse. We live with and interact with our children to know each of them. We spend time at work and learn personal things about the ones we go to lunch with or communicate with daily.
Positive communication is necessary to keep a relationship alive. If mean, hateful or no words are spoken, the health of that relationship can be in jeopardy. The best way for Satan to tear down our marriages or families or friendships is to break communication. Proverbs 18:21 says, ” Death and Life are in the power of the tongue. And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
Men and women communicate differently. Men don’t need as many details as women. Women want details, whereas men want the facts. On average, it has been said that men speak less words per day than women. Communication is a basic need for a woman, just as sex is for a man. Men are less open of expressing their feelings (emotionally modest), whereas women are not. It is important not to share with others deep intimate conversations we have.
When we communicate, listening and hearing are key. We hear through our different needs, so says Marriage Today expert, Jimmy Evans. He states that a woman hears through her primary need for love and security. Women need to feel safe and that she is cared for. If she feels tuned out, it will cause a feeling of insecurity. He states that a man will hear through his primary need for honor and respect. He needs those two things to open up and express his thoughts and feelings. When a woman is critical with her words in expressing her needs, it closes his pathway of communication.
Jimmy Evans also mentions 5 Standards for Successful Communication
- Care- You can’t communicate with someone who does not care. You show you care through your tone of voice, body language and attitude. When you talk, get rid of distractions. Be kind.
- Praise- We need to begin in a positive tone. Let us praise the goodness of the Lord and what He has done for us. Even for negative things, use a positive way to present it.
- Truth- We must have truth for intimacy and trust. We need mercy and truth. (Proverbs 3:3). We are to speak the truth in love. (Ephesians 4:15)
- Faith- Believe God for great things to happen. We can speak into someone’s life without saying a word.
- Surrender- Use your words to glorify God and edify each other.
Relationships- the key is communication. As we begin this fall season, find your Life Group, and begin and deepen the relationships with each other. We need relationships, and a deeper communication with each other, not just for our homes, but with each other in our church home as well. We all can use hope and encouragement. We all can use someone to pray for us and with us. We all can use love and compassion. Life Groups are the place that we can “Do Life Together.”
If you, your marriage or family need help with relationships, please contact Touch of Healing Counseling Center at 678-688-3133. One of our professional counselors will be happy to minister to you.
-Written by Mrs. Sandra Rawlings MS, LPC, IBPCC, CPCS